To say that I’ve always been a well-behaved airline passenger would probably be a big fat lie. Let’s face it, if you spend more time in the air than on the ground, things are bound to get to you.
Over the years I’ve complained about the age of the airplane, my seat, the entertainment system, food, the smell of the guy next to me, the legroom and that the last row in the section doesn’t recline. On occasion I’ve also had the cabin crew running around delivering drinks in the middle of the night — to the detriment of those sitting around me — so as to sleep (pass out) in cattle-class.
I’ve even come close to punching some guy on the nose for keeping half the plane awake with his loud drunken ramblings (and before you say it, I wasn’t the one rambling).
But to be fair, I’ve always tried to accommodate, help and be understanding of the crews and sympathetic to their tasks without making them feel like they are below me in any way.
What possessed me to write this, you might ask? Well, it’s all thanks to a the latest flight to Ethiopia, where my patience was running very thin amongst loutish behaviour by the three men (although animals would be a better synonym) sitting a few rows in front of me.
And if that wasn’t bad enough, the turbulence took care of the rest. The captain illuminated the seat-belt sign and with it, so too did the flight crew strap in for the bumpy ride. And since the three men were sitting in the emergency exit, one poor hostess was directly in front of them and unable to escape.
She made every valiant and diplomatic effort to dissuade their crude advances but in the end she was forced to look away and ignore them.
€œWhy don’t you want to talk to us, don’t you like us?” they pressed her with more stupid questions while laughing among themselves. “Come on baby, we’re handsome.”
The three of them, blind drunk and boasting about being able to drink while away from their own country (I didn’t catch which country there were from). They were so loud that not even my headphones could drown out their slurred speech.
Not even the heavy turbulence was able to discourage their inappropriate antics. Without choice in the matter, we listened as they explained that their trip wasn’t just about the alcohol but also to get with as many Ethiopian women as is humanly possible in two days. Apparently they make this trip every three months.
€œWe want some Ethiopian women; they are good and cheap.”
— all the while sitting in front of an Ethiopian girl, with a full Ethiopian crew on, you guessed it, Ethiopian Airlines.
I’m well aware of the alcohol restrictions in most of the Arab world — in the case of these three, completely justified. But if your own country or religion doesn’t allow you to drink, then why the hell would you advertise it to the whole flight while you’re getting blind drunk and acting like a complete degenerate?
Sometimes I wonder why Boeing or Airbus — with their collective experience in military aircraft construction — don’t equip every plane with a full complement of ejection seats? Surely they would not only serve as a more efficient means of aircraft evacuation, but also give the crew an alternative means of garbage disposal.
So, on behalf of all the passengers you’d rather forget, I’d like to apologize to each and every cabin crew who is/was/or will be forced to endure such behaviour.
Now, do I get my karma points back?