feeding my own misguided insanity

Dear Recruiting Officer at Antique Fabric & Lace

My mailbox fills up with all sorts of job offers on a daily basis but from time to time the search algorithms used to scan through CV repositories get it completely wrong; on this occasion I couldn’t resist replying.

Dear Recruiting Officer,

Oh most definitely, I’d be perfect for the job of Administrative Assistant at Antique Fabric & Lace.

I love using Microsoft Word and have great Excel skills — especially on Windows 2007. I’ve also been able to operate the mail-merge feature which would help you with direct-mail marketing — but that was with Office Millennium Edition and I’m not sure if I can still do it.

When the situation requires it, I’m able to operate two mobile phones simultaneously by using the hold button so I’m sure I wouldn’t have any trouble with your sophisticated corporate multi-line phone system.

You may also be interested to know that I’m in possession of three full-height filing cabinets in the basement of my house which would be perfect for all your filing needs — $12.99 per month seems like a fair rental charge but we can work on the exact pricing after my placement.

One of the requirements you listed for this job was multitasking, but since my name doesn’t lend any clues as to my gender, I may require on-the-job training to fully grasp multitasking. Also, about a year ago I underwent a knee operation and may have some trouble with running errands – I hope these two small deficiencies won’t hurt my chances in getting the job.

I look forward to your prompt response.

Yours faithfully,

Original Message

—–Original Message—–
From: Antique Fabric & Lace [mailto:[removed]@Antiquefabriclace.org]
Sent: Monday, 13 June 2011 00:26
Subject: Admin Assistant /Personal Assistant Needed

How you doing ? I am the official Recruiting Officer for Antique Fabric & Lace in Auckland City,Auckland ,New Zealand.We saw your resume on Eurojob,Our company is looking for a highly organized individual to work from home as our administrative assistant.

You need to have at least 2 years of office experience.


-Must have general Microsoft Word and Excel skills -Must be able to operate a multi-line phone -Must be able to multitask -Must have a professional demeanor

Duties Include: filling, answering phones, running errands, general clerical work If you are available kindly reply back on time

I await to hear back from you as soon as possible

Antique Fabric & Lace
ASB Building, 268 Great South Road,
Auckland City,

It is the policy of Antique Fabric & Lace . to provide equal employment and advancement opportunities to all colleagues and applicants for employment without regard to race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity or expression, disability, genetic

Update: 23 August 2011

Since the original posting, it turns out that a few other people have been receiving similar mails. This most probably indicates that the mail was a scam right from the beginning. Interestingly enough, the domain name has vanished completely from the Internet.

, , , , , Humour

16 Comments → “Dear Recruiting Officer at Antique Fabric & Lace”

  1. Larry 13 years ago   Reply


  2. Sophi 13 years ago   Reply

    Hired. LOL

  3. ina 13 years ago   Reply

    I’m impressed that you’re able to provide your own filing cabinets, and don’t worry about the knee, “According to the Canadian Human Rights Code, accommodation is required when an employee’s disability results in ‘functional limitations’ preventing them from performing an ‘essential duty’ of their job,” it’s probably the same in New Zealand.

  4. Dr.Shem 13 years ago   Reply

    I’m going to wait and see whether I receive a reply to this one, or whether it’s just one of hundreds of unmonitored aliases – either way, it made me laugh.

  5. Kevin Fox 12 years ago   Reply

    I got two emails from them this week, for essentially the same job. I think it must be some kind of scam.

  6. lady 12 years ago   Reply

    I received a casting call from James Mighty. He claims to be the editor/promo agent for Antique Fabric & Lace at ASB Building, 268 Great South Road, Otahuhu Auckland City, Auckand. He just offered me a job in modeling for this magazine, saying he’ll pay a total of $1,200.00 Dollars in USA money for 8-hour photo shoot. I’m pretty sure it is a scam, just wanted to have it confirmed by anyone who knows of this.

    • Dr.Shem 12 years ago   Reply

      One thing I would question is why they don’t even have a working domain or website. I’d say it’s a scam, but perhaps you could call their number and confirm.

    • Me 12 years ago   Reply

      I just got the same email! Did you end up doing it? Or calling on it?

    • Dyiesha 12 years ago   Reply

      I got the same one. I replied to a casting call and got the same email. I didnt know it was a scam. They told me I would recieve a check in the mail and to put it in my account to get my clothing for the shoot.

  7. Thomas 12 years ago   Reply

    Have worked with them and they never scammed me .Just wondering why people complained without working with them.Our Negative thought affect us a lot in life only those who took the risk in life are the world richest

    • Me 12 years ago   Reply

      What exactly did you do for them?

  8. Jennifer 12 years ago   Reply

    I just received an email today as well, saying that they got my email from a career site and are looking for a Fashion Personal Assistant. Just seems fishy. Why wouldn’t they want to hire someone in closer range so they can speak face to face.

  9. Lisa 12 years ago   Reply

    The James Mighty casting call is a scam!!!! I recieved a check in the mail yesterday. I called the bank on the top of the check and the manager said it is not a legitimate check do not cash it!!! This morning I recieved an email from this James Mighty guy saying that I am to cash the check keep $600 and send the rest to some lady for my attire. Just how am I suppose to cash a check that is not legit?? Something needs to be done about this scam but what? I know the check I recieved in a hand written envelope is fraudulent and that alone is uttering and publishing ( forgery) punishable by 15 years in prison!!!!

  10. randy 12 years ago   Reply

    I have received a reply concerning a job for a Chef??From James Mighty?? Looked on your website and saw it is probably a scam, the message is very vague and does not contain where he is based out of??

    • Aliesha Howell 12 years ago   Reply

      Dont do it! i got the email! scam!!!

  11. Aliesha Howell 12 years ago   Reply

    I got the chef email too!!! It’s a scam!

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