Hypothetically speaking, if I were a physicist and for one reason or another I was to spend a number of days in Botswana, I’m quite sure the experience would give rise to a number of new scientific theories.
To the untrained tourist, Botswana may seem like just another African country. But the reality is quite different. You see, from a scientific perspective, Botswana exhibits unique physical properties that extend past our understanding of modern quantum physics — let me explain.
One night, I was walking from the elevator — on the 5th floor of the Grand Palm Hotel — to my room, when I noticed that the speed of my walking was much faster than anyone else’s; and it got me thinking. Perhaps this observation could shed some light on other phenomena for which I didn’t have an explanation?
Very few people speed on the roads, in fact, the average speed is somewhere between 35 to 40km/h. I couldn’t really understand this at first, but I decided to muddle my way through some of Einstein’s theories and I think I’ve cracked it: the phenomenon is nothing more than a time dilation bubble.
Supposedly, the same time dilation bubble also extends to pedestrians; their feet shuffle forward and the hips sway from side to side, but the distance covered is disproportionately small in relation to elapsed time. Of course, it’s quite possible that inside the bubble, cars and pedestrians alike, travel at generally accepted “normal” speeds and therefore nobody is the wiser — somewhat of a relativity issue I would say.
This unusual phenomenon extends into other areas of society, the most noticeable of which is the hospitality industry — restaurants in particular.
Here, one can place an order for a beverage and watch as the ensuing sound waves become enveloped in the time bubble. It’s hard to say when the physical beverage will be delivered, but this much is clear: since both outbound and inbound journeys will be affected by the dilation, the time required for actual delivery will be orders of magnitude longer than any accepted standards.
Experimental data collected at the Grand Palm Hotel does indeed support this theory: a double espresso for instance, takes approximately 21 minutes to arrive, while a double vodka is delivered in about 18 minutes. Inside the bubble however, only 2 or 3 minutes have elapsed.
I did consider whether the word “double” had anything to do with the speed of delivery, but I dismissed it as insignificant due to the fact that the bulk of time delay occurs in transportation and not preparation.
Although I haven’t been to every corner of the country, I feel that I have enough data to lay down a hypothesis: (1) the bubble extends as far as the contours of Botswana’s border and (2) anything within these contours is trapped within the time dilation.
To be fair, every scientist must record all the experimental data, even those that don’t seem to fit the hypothesis. I will therefore disclose that I have recently noticed a few speeding cars on the roads — indicating that there must be exceptions to my General Theory of Botswana.
Upon further investigation, the offending drivers tend to be foreigners who have somehow managed to import their own bubbles, thus allowing them to move about at a higher capacity.
With all the billions of dollars spent on space exploration, particle accelerators and experiments in high orbit, wouldn’t it be more efficient for the scientific community to study the singularity in Botswana?
I’m just tired of constantly getting cold espressos, so while the scientists debate who will go into space and who will go to Botswana, I’m going focus my energies on finding a way to enter Botswana’s time dilation.